Life Lessons and Experiences of a Worldly Sister

The Health Care Debate?

2009-08-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I was very excited during the election when candidates were discussing health care reform. I felt that there were a couple of candidates who would actually give it a try. Then the debate started... I don't know if you can call this a debate. It's more like confusion and bad information. Neither of these are a good thing. There are people talking about death panels and taxes. I don't know how the discussion got to this point. I guess when you mix fear, change, and misinformation anything can happen. Like a guy bringing a gun to sit in a room with the President of the United States! Is it me or is this really getting crazy?

Ok, the plan at its base sounds really good. Insure people who otherwise can't afford health care coverage. Decrease health care cost and add competition. Stop insurance company's from dropping people who actually get sick. Stop insurance company's from denying people coverage because they have preexisting conditions. I don't really see a down side to that. I didn't have insurance until I was in my mid 20's and got a decent job. I don't know if we had CHIPS back then, but I know we would have qualified. Of course, my mom would have been too proud to take the hand out. I defer. As a person with crappy insurance that has high co pays, and that is quick to tell me they will not pay for a test because they deem it unnecessary... this looks good to me.

I think this debate is more about fear than anything else. I don't have great trust in the system, it hardly ever works for people like me. We have to succeed in spite of. I am concerned about the cost of a plan like the one that has been proposed. How do we pay for it? But I am also concerned about the fact that we, Americans spend more of our income on health care than any other industrialized country. I am also concerned that we don't seem to get much for those dollars... we are sicker than ever. I am concerned that over a million people file bankruptcy every year just because of health care expenses. Where do we go from here? How can we not do something? My ears are open for any suggestions. What they are not open for is fear mongering and doing nothing. We voted for change in November and I expect for it to come.

Standing Still

2009-08-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting her on a Sunday night, thinking, thinking, thinking. I'm thinking about a lot. My mind feels jumbled. I'm thinking where does time go? I swear that I was 25, two years ago. Where did the other 6 years go? They went by too fast. I'm thinking that my focus should be to make sure the rest of my years are enjoyed as much as possible. So that I'm not asking this same question 6 years from now. My first instinct is to make a plan, but I'm thinking that this time I should just let it flow. I haven't done that in last few years and I miss the unpredictability of that. Plus, it takes too much energy that can be focused on more important things. And no matter how damn good you are... no one has that kind of control.

I've found myself contemplating a career change and moving to another area to get out of the rut. I thought a change of scenery would do some good. And since I like my little corner of the world I decided to just take a trip. The time away will do me some good. I guess I'll just call it confusion. It may be that disappointment is finally taking its toll. But, I'm going to do what I do best, be optimistic and keep on moving.

Simply Beautiful

2009-07-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

The brown in your eyes
The broadness of your nose
The thickness of your lips
Not to mention when you walk, I love that slight dip.

From shaved bald heads to flowing locs
Your style and your flow makes my neck pop
From freshly trimmed side burns to perfectly lined go t's
The smoothness of you gets next to me

Broad shoulders with a little bit of belly
Brother you can spread me like jelly
A strong back and rough hands
The signature of a hard working man

It's a hard knock life, but you surpass it all
Faith unbridled; a spirit that never falls
Weather in a white t or a three piece suit
Brother in you is where I find my roots
I will never stray from whence I came
I will always stand beside this beautiful black man

Every shade of the chocolate rainbow
Inside each other is where our strength grows
From once upon a time to happily ever after
I find peace in your silence and joy in your laughter
When next to you my heart is full
What we have is simply beautiful.

The Good Old days

2009-07-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today, sitting here with the door open. Kids are outside playing and laughing. The little girl from down the street hasn't gotten her hair combed yet. But, she is racing on her bike. Man, do you remember summer mornings? My main objective was to get outside. Get on my bike or in my skates. If there was a trophy for playing the hardest, I think I would have won. From hop scotch, to kickball, to stick ball, to football, to jax, to marbles, to kick the can, to the games we made up. Do kids still play jax and marbles? Anything that could be played outside, we played it. What about red light, green light? What was the purpose of that game? What ever it was, we had fun playing it.
At my house you couldn't go inside after my big sisters cleaned up. They were bully's. They didn't want to be bothered when the "story's" came on. It was out of the question to go inside, they might try to make me take a nap. We drank water from the hydrant anyway. You didn't go inside until they called you in for lunch. Then we ate and went right back to playing until the street lights came on. Unless it was a day when my big sister ran everyone away. Our house was the play spot. We had someone in every age group. Little kids, medium size kids, and teenagers.
We didn't have gadgets, hell we didn't even have proper equipment. I never had a bike helmet or knee pads. We played in the streets, in the woods, and in yards. I can still hear Mrs. Ethel yelling, " Ya'll get out my garden and play in this yard". They didn't worry about the grass or being sued if we hurt ourselves. They just patched us up and sent us on our way. We ate mud pies, played in the dirt and mud puddles. No one ever got a horrible infection and died. Even the asthmatics played hard. There were no know allergy's, we didn't know what gluten was. Mrs. Jenny had the best plums, Mrs. Dora had pomegranates, Mr. Luke had pears,and my grandma had figs. We didn't even have to worry about lunch on Howard Ave. Life was good from sun up to sun down. There was no insomnia. There was no restlessness. There was no boredom. The next day we couldn't wait to get up and do it again!

The Good Fight

2009-06-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

I fought the good fight

Now I lick my wounds

Hoping that they will heal soon

I know the battle is not over

In desperation I send up a prayer

Knowing that the heavenly father is always there

Give me strength and wisdom to continue this fight

Give me hope that in the morning everything will be all right

Give me peace to calm my soul and soothe my spirit

This is my plea, I hope you hear it

As the night grows darker and the battle resumes i think about my prayer

Lord did you hear me? Do you care?

I hear His voice say " This battle is already won

Put down your sword and come rest in my arms"

Faith is your strength

Hope is your sword

Wisdom is in your word

Your peace has been granted

Love is ever enduring and conquers all

Continue to fight the good fight my child and you will never fall

Oh The Political

2008-09-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here counting my blessings after this storm and watching the ones that are still out there. I decided to watch the Republican National Convention, bad idea. It makes it more clear to me with every speech that this is not the party for me. What is it about rich white men that makes them love war? Or think they they are the only people that love America? Why can't I love America and criticize her for not standing up to her promise? I am America too. I saw a few people that looked like me there, but for the most part, that convention does not look like the America I know.
I have to say McCain pulled a real hat trick with his VP nomination. As a women I couldn't help but to be a little excited about his choice. But after her speech, I am so not impressed. There were so many qualified people he could have chosen. So, now I'm more disappointed than anything.
I also have to say that I am so disappointed at the speech Sen. Obama gave last week at the democratic convention. In this moment of great history, 45 years after the " I Have A Dream Speech"; he didn't even reference Dr. King by name. After all the celebration of that night he felt the need to separate himself from that. I am really tired of seeing brothers and sisters who feel the need to transcend their race in order to make other people comfortable with them. I don't see any other people of color making that sacrifice or feeling the need to. Maybe if someone explains it to me I might understand better... no I won't. It's one of those things that I just don't get. Add it to the list. I'll say it here, from the hill tops, and I carry it in my every day life... I'm a black woman. There's too much honor and strength in that for me to deny it or try to tone it down. And a feel the same way about black men. I know Sen. Obama is biracial, and he can't deny any of his roots. But for me, there is nothing more fierce in this world than a black man. And I know it's not just me.

Sweet Sweet Spirit

2008-08-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

T's been a while since I wrote anything, but I am determined to get my stroke back. Yet another set of ups and downs... and just not giving a damn. But, as always we move on. I'm on a much needed mini vacation this weekend and all I plan on doing is sleeping, listening to music, watching a little tv, and maybe getting a pedicure. It really doesn't matter if my feet are ugly this weekend.
I've been spending a lot of time in church lately, more than I care to actually. The dance team has been so busy with invitations. The girls are really excited about the growth of their ministry and I am too. i am just tired as I can be. Last Sunday;atyet another program outside of regular church time, my mind was wondering. I was thinking about how for our last few church visits I didn't want to be there, but the message seemed to be tailored for me. As I was thinking about it the speaker came up and again the message was for me. Well the first part anyway the conclusion I am hoping was for me too. Its amazing how God puts in place to get what you need. Even if its just a word of encouragement.

I Can't Call It!

2008-04-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

"I can't call it" means that I don't understand. I got to the beauty shop this morning at 8:15a.m., my appointment was for 8:30 A.M. Here it is noon and my hair is not even wet yet. This is crazy. I knew better than doing this anyway. You have to be able to chill all day to do a Saturday appointment at the salon. I don't have that kind of time. If I did I wouldn't want to spend it this way. But, they do have some good gossip going around this joint. I have been truly enlightened this morning about the "word on the street". I need to get out more. I'm going home to do my own press and curl. Hopefully, I won't burn my ear..... please Lawd....please

Me and My A.D.D.

2008-04-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I sat down to do this. I haven't been able to maintain a train of thought long enough to write anything for a couple of weeks. Before that, my poetry was flowing like water. I'm too easily distracted these days. I took a test the other night that's suppose to give you an idea of where you are on the adult a.d.d. scale. I'll just say my score was high and I probably have a touch. But, that's ok. I'll just say that's one of the things that makes me special. My a.d.d. has come in handy at work lately. it seems like there are about 20 different things going on at 8 locations, but I've been able to manage things effectively... I'm just good.
Spring is in full swing, and I have been enjoying it. Sunday, we got some crawfish and a case of beer, backed up the car and blasted the radio. It was an old school get together. You know one of those things that just kind of happens. The next thing I know, my brother has the deep fryer going. It's good to be a country girl on days like that. But, I have to be honest Monday morning was a killer. I can't ball on school nights anymore. I don't have that kind of energy. I felt like begging for 10 more minutes when my alarm clock went off. Still, I made it threw the day. On the way home from work I had a million thoughts. Sang every song on the radio. And probably pissed off a few people. My thoughts ranged from politics to what I was going to wear to work the next day. I even did some financial planning, I'm thinking about a new hustle. Here are just a few of my thoughts:
*Is it just me or is anyone else ready for the democratic primaries to be over? Damn somebody has got to win soon or somebody is going to have to call the race.
*Why wasn't Barack Obama at any of the Martin Luther King,Jr ceremony's on Friday? I know he spoke about it, but his ass should have been there. On the balcony with John McCain. I feel like my support is being taken for granted.... again.
*Who qualifies to be a pollster? I don't know anyone who has been called by a pollster, so i can't take them as being valid. I personally think they are making it up... it's all apart of the man's plan if you let me tell it.
* How do they find these guys in Europe and Africa to play basketball? I want that scouting job, but that is another form of outsourcing. I know a lot of brothers who can do that job.
*I'm thinking about doing some mystery shopping on the side. It's a good way to combine two things that I love.. shopping and making money. I think it's a good marriage for me. They send enough emails about it, I wonder how that got my email address.
*The basketball season is practically over and I never made it to Hornets game. Playoff tickets are too expensive. I'm going to have to go on a date to do that. But, If I were the brother taking me, I'd expect some booty.
*I probably spend too much time, energy, and money on my hair. I am going to work on that, probably won't succeed... hair is my thing. When my 'do is bangin it brings everything together. I give it way too much power. Then act as if it's effortless.
*If gas keeps going up, I'm going to get a scooter. Do they still make mopeds? I'm sure they do, I'm going to have to invest in one. Do they come with air conditioning and windshields? I can't mess up my hair.

'sippi Girl

2008-03-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting here listening to the results of the Mississippi primary. Is it me or are political pundants determined to make this about race? No matter how hard Barack Obama tries to be the melting pot candidate, the media constantly points out that he is a black candidate who gets the black vote.... Damn CNN. Are they on the short bus or do they think we are?
How is it that they are surprised that in the state of Mississippi voting broke down along racial lines? This is not a shocker. How is it that they are surprised that Senator Clinton carried the areas where there were more white voters? This is not a shocker either. I heard Solidad O'Brian say that Senator Obama needs to be concerned that he is not getting the white male vote in the south..... What world do these people live in? Have they not been in the country this past year or so? I would say that I'm boycotting the news, but the honest answer is that I'm too nosey to not know what's going on the world.
Here is the real break down of the Mississippi vote. The republican race was already decided, so in most areas republicans voted for Clinton. These people will not vote for her in November; Billy Ray is not voting for a "yankee" or a "nigger". Of course, they would rather run against her in the general election. Yes in 2008 people around here still talk like that openly. I personally prefer my racism out in the open. As for the black vote, people who haven't voted since 1984 when Jesse Jackson was on the ballot came out to vote for Obama. I know people who made sure their license was up to date and their name was still on the voter's registration list so that their vote would be counted. A lot of people are feeling like they are apart of making history today. That's one thing about black folks, we don't need to be inspired to have hope that one day there will be better days.
As a proud 'sippi girl ( yes I have Mississippi on my back, told you that I am still hood), this was a special day. I still have my questions about Senator Obama, but Hillary answered my questions about her. Hillary will have to rely on women, blacks, and latinos to be competitive. That's the part of this campaign strategy I'm not understanding. She has discounted the black vote in the primaries as if she would not need them in the general election. I've said it time and time again, the Clinton's are master strategist. They had to be to survive this long in politics. So my gut tells me that she knows it will be Obama or nothing for us. She's decided to stay in with the clear people and latinos. She gets her surrogates to say what they are thinking. Don't sleep on her, the chick is smart. If she is elected it will politics as usual and my pockets can't take that for four more years. This country can't stand to be divided for four more years. Working people can't carry these burdens for four more years.
That is why it's time for her to get out of the race. It won't happen, but it would be best for the party. No matter what happens, a democrat has to win in November if we have any chance of there being any changes in this country. Not if ...but when... the Michigan and Florida primaries are redone , if this race changes we can not concede this election to the republicans. We have to do what they do, pick the lesser of two evils. I hope that it doesn't come to that point, but I think for us it will be Obama or bust. We will feel like they changed the rules and took the game from us AGAIN. And it will be a valid emotion.

Touch

2008-03-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

a sense of calm feels my soul
know that my baby will be here soon
skin soft an sweet... looking good enough to eat

i hear the car door close
the jingle of keys in the hole
in his baritone, the words I have been waiting for
"i'm home Mi Amore"
the chills run down my spine
this night is for quality time
no kids, no games, no phone calls
i start to undress in the hall

he sets eyes on my caramel skin
and says that he doesn't know where to begin
it's been to long since we were together
no distractions, no hard feelings, no stormy weather
it's OK baby, it is all about us from this moment on

... ring, ring.... please, don't answer that phone

i am a queen who needs her king
our love, strength, and unity will one day bring us to what God has for us
but, right now i am anxiously awaiting.. anticipating.. and longing for your touch.

White Boys

2008-02-20T11:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, there's been another tragedy. When are they going to start racially profiling white boys? Someone needs to alert the police and campus security that white boys are the one's they need to be watching. Because we all know that they will shoot the school up in a minute. The school, and the mall, note: alert mall security too. Brother's take a lot of slack because of the perceived threat of violence. But, these white boys are tearing it down with no one even bothering to check them for weapons. I think that there should be random checks on white boys in every school system in America. And that's my two cents......

The State of the Black Union

2008-02-20T10:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going to the State of the Black Union symposium on Saturday. I'll be there bright and early so that I can get a good seat, hopefully. I had to take my ' fit to the dry cleaner's and get it fresh pressed... just in case I get a shout out on CSPAN, I'm so country. But, I am so looking forward to this event. The controversy that surrounds it is secondary. We need this for our community. It's way past time for us to shape our own agenda. Not just a few figure heads that somehow got to be our leaders. I won't say somehow, I owe those brother's and sister's more respect for what they have done. But, it is way past time for a changing of the guard. We need those old soldiers to help direct some of these young soldiers for tomorrow. If we don't do that, we are going to be in trouble. That's why I like the Covenants approach to our issues.
I think that anybody who is hating on Tavis because of his comments about Barack is just wrong. The purpose of his invitation was to see where the candidate's satnd on issues that we affect our community. Why should he not criticize any candidate who didn't deem it important enough to come. They all say that they want to represent us.... So he should have called Barack out on his nonattendence and his trying to send Michelle in his place. Barack is getting 80 pecent of the black vote and not having to work for it at all, simply because he looks like us. Yeah, hope is a powerful thing, inspiration is wonderful, but all this transcending our race is making me sick.
Again, I'm not hating on Barack, I love the brother. His candidacy is something I never thought that I would see in my life time. It gives me great pride to see what he is accomplishing, but I take issue with the fact that he can't run as a black man. That takes away a little bit of the shine for me. It's not his fault that for some reason America still feels threatened by us. It's not his fault that for many reason it is not best for him to come to this event. But, thats why we need this. It's time for us to take control of our own message and our own image. Then maybe we won't feel a need to transcend our blackness.

2008-02-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's one of those many thoughts Saturday's. So, this will be about many things. First it's Black History Month and my church is not having a program.... WHAT? In all of my 32 years on this earth, I have never heard of a black church not having a black history program. We have time set aside during service for "Reflections In Black History". Now I think we can do this every Sunday of the year; and you know that I suggested it. There will be no teaching speeches, practicing skits, or dancing this year..... I don't know if we can call that progress. And why do we limit these celebrations to February? We teach the kids the same thing every year and put the costumes back in the closet on February 28. I don't know black people, we got to do better.
Obama fever seems to be taking hold of the nation. Yesterday in the tobacco store I talked to a white lady who says that she is voting for Barack. When the conversation started, I was ready to go off full blast. I ASSumed that the sister was going to say something inappropriate or say she wasn't going to vote. But, she caught me off guard. She said that it's time for a new day, she likes the inspiration and the idea of hope. When Obama has the support of white folk in Mississippi, there is something going on. States don't get any redder than Mississippi. Granted this was only a couple of ladies having a conversation over a pack of cigarettes, but believe me when I say that this is big. I'm beginning to belive that history is truely in the making here.
I do have some issues with campaign '08. Now that John Edwards is out of the race no one is carrying the torch for the poor and disenfranchised. We have lent our total support to Senator Obama and I have yet to hear him specifically address African American issues. Neither has Hillary, they are too busy stroking the latino's. People we have to become more safisticated voters and get engaged in the process. We all have our own reasons for supporting him, but those of us who are doing it just because he looks like us need to remember what has happened in D.C., Detroit, and New Orleans. I'm not hating or trying to discourage anyone. I'm just saying we need to require more from a candidate than what we are getting in this election. As my grandmother says " Everything that looks good, ain't good". In this case, the success of Senator Obama's candidacy makes us feel good. But are we sure that we will get what we need if he wins?
What's up with the big girls in skinny leg jeans? Just because they make them in our size does not mean that it is a good idea to wear them. I'm a big girl too, I believe all women are beautiful. I believe every woman has sex appeal. But dammit, y'all stop buying those tight ass jeans. They are called skinny leg jeans, if you don't have skinny legs then they won't look right on you..... got it?
I am still in the midst of this hair battle with myself. This week my good friend and hair dresser entered in the fight. I went to get a hair cut and the heffa wouldn't do it. What is this? I told her when I started not to let me cut it off, but she already knew the routine. I grow it out for a few months, then decide that it's too much hastle and cut it off. But, she is the professional. If I, the customer have a request and can pay for it then thats what she should do. I told her that she needs to work on her customer service skills. She told me that she is only following my wishes. I guess we will call this a hair battle?

Why are You Single?

2008-02-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

I've answered this question so many times in the past couple of years that I have a prepared monologue. I was thinking about it last night after someone asked me again. The reason for me being single has changed since I first decided to be single for a while. Afte a long relationship ended on very bad terms I thought it would be good to just do me for a minute. I had spent my twenties in 2 long relationships that spanned a complete decade. Spending time with myself and enjoying me was the plan. I am happy that I took that time for me. I learned a lot about myself. I am not one of those women who have to be in a relationship, it just worked out that way. Companionship is a wonderful thing and a basic human need. But, I am one who needs intimacy. That doesn't always work well in the dating world. Women are not the only ones with their guards up, there are brother's out there who have some things they need to work thru.

About a year ago, I thought I was ready to get back in the game. I was wrong. What I wanted was not possible. I wanted someone to give me all of them and be willing to only have a part of me. There was still hurt I had not delt with sufficiently. I wanted all the perks of a relationship with none of the responsibility. That would not be fair to me or the the person I became involved with. After a few deep conversations with my girls ( i LOVE those chicks) , I saw the errors in that philosophy. And so, I began deal with my feelings. There were a few things that I had to admit to myself before moving on. A few things that I needed to accept and bring to a conclusion. I that and I am better for it. I didn't want to be the woman who is always waiting for a brother to mess up. I didn't want to carry the baggage of my broken heart into another relationship. I refused to be bitter because of one mans mistake and to make another man have to pay for that mistake.
Today I am single simply because I choose to be. I want to be in a committed relationship, i miss having a partner. It is not due to a lack of options or disinterest. I will wait on the right man for me. I won't go looking for him, I think all things have a time and a place in life. Now I can say that when the right brother comes along I am ready to give him all of me.

Sister's Are One of God's Greatest Gifts

2008-02-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

I know that it's leaning a bit to the right. I am a little technically challenged so I can't figure out how to fix it. My Technical skills, or lack there of aside. Today I am going to give my two wonderful sisters some praise. I love these two ladies. I admire these two ladies. I adore these two ladies. I cherish these two ladies.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I believe in the strength of the black family. That is because I come from a strong family. I have the privilage of being the youngest in a big family. I call it a privialge because my mother was tired by the time I surprised her. I say that because she was not a strict on me as my sisters, she gave me a little room, just a little. Probably because I had two big sisters to pick up the slack. And they gave me no room, none. Not none. My oldest sister (sitting front and center as always!) gave me my first job at 13. I was her baby sitter. She showed me how wonderful it is to have your own. My middle sister ( standing to my right) showed me how to save. She has to be the most frugal woman I know, even when we were kids she was never broke. I am so blessed to have these two ladies in my life. They show me what it is to be a virtuous woman everyday. I seen them go thru trials in their lives with their heads up and their eyes on God. I've often wondered how they handle it all: Wives, mothers, sisters, friends, employees, community activists, coaches, and certified hell raisers when they have to be. Their answer is always " you just do what you have to do". I guess it's not complicated when it comes from love.

These are my sisters, my friends. In them I have strength in my time of weakness. In them I have shelter in my time of storm. God gave me a wonderful gift when he gave me my sisters.

Oh Lawd

2008-01-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

These are just random thoughts from the mind of a country girl. . .

What they call dirty politics have been in the headlines for the past couple of weeks. Isn't this just politics as usual? We have become use to candidates attacking each other. The republicans are better at it, that's all. The Clinton's are master strategist. They wouldn't have been able to maintain this long if they were not. I don't think Bill or Hillary are racist. That would have come out a long time ago. What bothers me about the situation is that Obama is biting. He can't allow the Clinton's or the media to turn him into the black candidate. For all of our progress, this is still America. A black man can't and I'm sad to say, won't win that fight. The Major Issue I have with this is the old guard supporting Hillary. I know that this is America and we can support which ever candidate we choose... But DAMN! If Barack Obama's candidacy is not what the struggle is all about, then what the hell is? Somebody please tell me if I am wrong. The Andrew Young's of the world have me shaking my damn head here.

Why can't I get my tax rebate before June? You know when you mention free money (which is very rare in my life) my wheels start spinning. I need my check next week. I got some thangs to do with it. It's "free" money so I guess I shouldn't complain, but why don't I get more than the person who made $3000? This is why I feel like I have a case for not having to pay income tax. I'm single with no kids. There aren't very many if any social programs available to me. and government services would look at me like I'm crazy if I went to them. But, I'm sure the I, the R, and the S would toss my black ass, so I'll just complain and keep paying them.

It's almost time for the Superbowl. I'm not a fan of either team or any of the players for that matter. But, I'll still have a party, talk shit, drink too much and have a head ache on Monday morning. Some traditions we shouldn't break, even if the Saints had me all discombobulated all season.

I've recently been in a hair battle with myself. I decided to grow my hair out a couple of months ago. At that time it seemed like a good idea. But now, I have this mushroom / wedge thing going on and it looks horrible. I've been wearing my do short and sassy for over 10 years. I know that's a long time for a sister to wear the same do, but I like it. It may have been one of those rebellion things since I could never cut it while I was young. Thank the Lawd for weaves and wigs. Because it was taking a toll on my self esteem. I've been wearing this short, sassy bob for the past week or so. I think I'll go long next week. I'm trying to do something different, but the real deal is that I am so not a fan of long hair. And for me, long hair is anything close to my shoulders. We we just see how this goes. Maybe I will rock some twist or braids for a minute.......?

My Tribute

2008-01-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Back before Martin Luther King, Jr day was a federal holiday, my siblings and I would be among the few black children in school. I hated that. I could not understand why my mother would send us to school on the King holiday and no one else was going. I thought all black people deserved a day of rest. And if they weren't going to give it to us, we should take it anyway. After a couple of attempts to get an answer she finally told me why we had to go to school. She said that thousands of people were beaten, lynched, jailed, raped, homes burned down, and humiliated so that I could go to school and receive the same education and opportunities as anyone else. Those people never gave up; some even giving the ultimate sacrifice, for me to be given this chance. She felt that we had to be in school on the holiday.
My young mind couldn't grasp the fullness of that statement, but I accepted it and went to school every year until it was a calender day off.
Fast forward 20+ years. I am often the only black employee at work on the King holiday. I take a couple of hours off to march in the parade and attend the ceremony, but I'm right back at work. I don't travel on this holiday, for some reason it is extremely important for me to be in town to attend those events.... here, at home. I'm often asked why I come by my co-workers, because most of them take the day off with out pay. My answer is always the same. Too many people made the sacrifice for me to take a day off. I realise that the struggle is far from over. We have a lot of work to do and we are not in position to be able to take a day off. After all, Dr. King never took a day off. I view the day, the times of his life and his sacrifice with the utmost reverence, and that is why I work on this holiday.
When I think about the sisters and brothers in Birmingham who walked to work for months during the boycott. Or the young people who took beatings and harassment to sit at lunch counters. Or the share croppers who were lynched for demanding a decent wage. Or the Little Rock Nine. Or the four little girls who were blown up in church. Or the young people who marched knowing that the dogs would be loosed on them. See my way doesn't seem so hard. It's just another day on the job. But it is thru these peoples sacrifice and countless others that I am in position to do this job. For that, I say thank you.

Brown Suga

2008-01-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

slanted brown eyes
wide nose, under neath which a light mustache grows
thick lips, round bottom, wide hips
big legs
large frame
but, my spirit is my claim to fame

i come from a long line of strong women you see
they gave this spirit to me
in times of storm and pain, it's to our faith that i cling
i look back thru history and my mothers tell me that i already have the victory
you are my chil' they say
lift your head, straighten your back, and let your hips sway

skin like brown suga
smile like sunshine
love feels this heart of mine
fried, dyed, and laid to the side is where my crown lies
beauty intelligence with common sense
given the gift to make a dollar out of fifteen cents

given power to stand on my own
in to this spirit i have grown
the woman i've been called to be
brown suga is sweet like me

Oh Yeah, Happy New Year

2008-01-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

I feel the way O.J. looks. This n&^%a has to really be out there. Does he not have black folk survival skills? I get that some people are just f$!k ups, but come on dude your about 60, get it together.

The new year has brought on a bit of a funk for this sister. It actually carried on from the end of the year, but this week has been a bit worse. My thoughts are more jumbled than my schedule. There are not enough hours left in the day for me to get a good night sleep... that's if i could actually go to sleep. All signals point to the fact that this sister has too much on her plate and not enough substance. I never pictured adult life being like this when I was 15. Damn I want that fantasy back. No one told me that in trying to make the world a better place, there may be potential for me to loose myself. Honestly, I can't just blame it on one aspect of my life. I work way too much, and have to learn how to say no when people ask me to do things. My strict Methodist background makes that very difficult. " When your working for the Lord, you can't say no" always seems to be playing in my head these days.

But I did something for myself, I went dancing last night. For the first time in way too long. I put on my red dress and my high heels, some of that sweet perfume that smells so good on me. I went down to the spot, got a table, ordered a drink, and listened to some good soul music. I still have my magic. And I had a wonderful time. I have to do that more often. I got up this morning and went walking, it's been way too long since I did that too. I didn't go to tutoring or dance practice today. I'm sure that I will feel guilty about that a little later. But, right now I feel really good. I'm going to get spa treatments today so I will be feeling even better in a little while. Danny has the best hands in the world, if he wasn't gay......... oooooooh. The things that man can do to your shoulders and back should be packaged and sold. But, I digress. I might even pull out my little black dress tonight. I feel like listening to some jazz.

Soft Winter Rain

2007-12-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

i haven't seen the sun in days
around the last time i saw your face
the moon was high last night as i was longing for your touch
just thinking about your body next to mine sends me into a rush

we've waited long enough
it's time to transition from friends to lovers
tonight i want you to sleep under the covers
you've been a gentleman the whole way thru
giving me the attention, care, and romance i was missing

This time he's caressing my hips as we start kissing
hand firmly gripped around my ass and one at my waist
he whispers in my ear that he has to have a taste
he wants to jump head first into my paradise
quench his thirst with the flow of my womanhood
breast in his mouth, hands caressing my thighs
damn this man is making me feel high
pulling me closer as if he can't get enough
he asked if he could come inside, promising not to be too rough

he can't get deep enough to satisfy our desire
it's going to be a long night, i feel his fire
i climb on top to let him catch his breath
he says go slow, i want to feel every inch of your cares
pulling my hair back to see me in all my ecstasy
feeling me explode... the tension, the vibration, and then the release

We collapse and embrace
kissing and holding him, i can't take my eyes off his face
so peaceful, so serene
i've been blessed with the man of my dreams
soft and supple, allowed to be all woman
he's not going to rest until he feels cumming
adoring my paradise, but not forsaking all of me
tonight he gave me all of him that i need
i will rest here between the sheets with my king
about the night of this soft winter rain is what i will dream

Mahalia Jackson--How I got over LIVE

2007-12-20T11:37:00.001-08:00

I needed a little inspiration today, this does the trick every time.... enjoy.

Brother's and Sister's

2007-12-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

I read so much about brother's being no good jail birds who only want a white woman who will feed his ego. On the other hand there are the articles about sister being angry, weak, gold diggers who only want to put a brother on child support and harass him the rest of his life. I am really tired of reading these. Yes we do have some issues brother's and sister's. We both need to step out game and reclaim our family's. By doing that we will be able to reclaim our communities and provide an better future for our children. But, that's not the point today. Today I am making it clear that there are still many, many sister's who embrace the strength, spirit, and soul of the black man. I am one of them. I'll scream it from the top of lungs, march on Washington, and take personal conference with the "man" whose trying to keep him back. Not to mention jacking the bitch ( male or female) up who's trying to create disharmony in our home.
I sat it often, anyone past a certain age who doesn't believe that they have issue's is lying to themselves or just doesn't know what their issues are yet. So while we all have to work thru those I'm going to do my part. And I hope you will do the same. There is nothing on this planet more fierce than a black man and woman with love and a common goal. That's what love is all about. So I'll use my strong will as an asset to you. I will raise a little hell from time to time, but never to your detriment. You'll be the head of our household and I'll be your help mate. And I'll be sure that when you come in from this cold work, you'll find my love, strength, spirit, and soul fully available to you.... my man, my king, my protector, my provider, my leader, my friend.

What Are WE Teaching Our Daughters???

2007-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I let my 13 year old nephew have some friends over, nothing out of the norm. They hung out, played video games, did the stuff boys their age do. That evening he asked if some more friends could come over, not a problem... I'm the cool aunt. Cute little girls, but no one came in to make sure there was an adult there or anything and I didn't know these girls. They go on and do their thing, and I'm watching from a distance. After a while I check outside and to my amazement they are playing grown folks games in the pool. There is kissing and groping, really heavy petting. Needless to say I make them get out and call one of the girls mother.
I'm not that old, but at 13 or 14 when a boy felt on my booty i punched him and told my big brother, that was a violation. In Jr. High I had my little boyfriend and we snuck kisses, but not like that. I still considered my nephew to be kinda green. After all his interest are basketball, video games, big trucks, and eating... I didn't know that girls were included in that list. I guess that I'm the green one.
While we were waiting I decided to talk to the kids and let them know how disrespectful and inappropriate their actions were. I got some real insight to this era. I told my nephew and his friends how disrespectful it is to grope and feel on a woman. How tasteless it looks. And asked them how they would like it if someone treated their sister that way. My nephew told me that his sisters were not that kind of female. They wouldn't let a dude handle them like that. So if a girl is willing to let him have some fun... why shouldn't he? The question threw me for a loop, I didn't expect that response ( probably due to my lack of parenting experience ). I explained to them that the time would come when that was appropriate, but at their age none of what they were doing was cool. It should be reserved for the time in their life when they have someone special and are more mature. One of the girls then told me that she could see if a girl was doing (sexual) things to get attention or to make some boys like her, but what's wrong with doing you, if your comfortable with who you are and know what you want? So, I asked her what she wanted. They had made it clear to me that none of them were dating or boyfriend/ girlfriend... so I didn't get why they would be making out with them if they didn't like them. She told me that they just came to chill and there wasn't anything wrong with that. If that is chillin'... I been out of the game way too long
I explained to these young ladies that any guy who does not respect you, does not deserve you. And it was made clear that these young men had no respect for them. When a woman does not present herself to be the queen she is, she can't expect to be treated as such. Everyone wants to be respected, but acting like a hood rat will get you treated like a hood rat. The mother didn't like my analogy. She told me not to pass judgement on her child. I didn't, I was sad for her child. This mother didn't know me from Adam. But, still she dropped her daughter off, with friends to go and chill with 3 boys after dark at a stranger's house. No questions asked, not introductions, no investigation. What are we teaching our daughter's? I thought it was horrible that mother checked my drawers, read my letters, and interviewed every boy that came to my house to see me. I thought it was old fashion for her to tell me not to be going to a boys house and not to call him often. I didn't understand why she always told me to pay attention to what a person does and not what they say. I thank her for putting me up on game. Being pretty only gets you so far, and then beauty fades.But, it's not as simple as that. Those are life lessons. If we don't teach our daughter's how to conduct themselves we will lose another generation of children. It's time that we give our daughter's some substance, we've been missing that for far too long.

Fresh Start

2007-12-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I decided that there needed to be some changes in my life. After all, it's our experiences in life that make us who we are. And I needed to broaden my horizons. As always I jumped in head first. When I decide to do something, I do it. I know what I want, and I figure out how to get it. As I went along on this mission I had a major revelation. I have a very good life. Sure, there are things that could be better. There are things that I wish I had done differently. But, for the most part.... Ya girl is doing very well for herself.
I have a wonderful family. When I see my grandmother in her rocker, that gives me peace. When I talk to my mother, she gives me direction. Being close to my siblings gives me strength. Watching my nieces and nephews grow gives me hope. The company of beautiful friends gives me joy. The neighborhood where I grew up and everybody knows my name, gives me comfort. My church family threw all their work, they inspire me.
Yeah, there are the places I haven't gone. The experiences I haven't had yet. The goals that I haven't accomplished, YET. The love that hasn't come along. But, I've realized, those things come in time. When I am ready for them, they will be given to me. Until then, enjoying and appreciating what I have is what's important. I've been blessed in my life, I'm thankful for my experiences. So sometimes, a fresh start is just realizing what you have.

Negativity!!!!!!!!!Damn

2007-12-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

I think that everyone knows at least one person who can bring your mood down. A person who despite all their wonderful qualities can rain on your parade. Or, it's the person who says one thing and lives another. The person who never has anything nice to say about anything or anyone, not associated with them of course. Always talking about God or serving as a role model, but they have the weed boi's # programmed in their cell phone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking what anyone does. We all have faults. If you make it past 25 without any issues you were either very sheltered or don't know you have issues yet. But, who the hell died and made you queen\king of ruining my day?

Finding A Balance

2007-12-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

I have made a few observations. With all the headlines about our slowing economy, interest rates rising, and home foreclosures at an all time high.... we in the hood are still doing our thing. Or are we? Is this just the norm for us, for every dollar of wealth that Caucasians have ... we have 15 cents. There goes the phrase, Pac was a true visionary. I can't help but to wonder though, we are the biggest consumers why don't we have more market share in this economy? I have a few theory's on this to share.

1. We are still learning the process of building wealth. It takes a few generations to build true wealth and pass on assets. There are still not enough African-American families in this position, we have a way to go there. In most instances we are only 2 maybe 3 generations into success.

2. We have different ideas of financial success. For some people success is not living from pay check to pay check. For others it's being able to afford nice things. A lot of us seem to be content with a nice place, nice ride and some nice gear. Don't forget the bling.

3. Making the sacrifice. Who really wants to bust their ass for 30 years, buy a modest house, drive the same car for 10 years, and not take a real vacation? And you know you have to get your baby that Wii and those sneaker skates for Christmas. Plus our situation is better than that of our parents. How dare we not enjoy our success.

The honest answer is we have to make sacrifices. We have a lot of issues in our community. This is one that the movement has not addressed. And I believe that we won't be able to make a real difference in our circumstances until we can sit at the table. It's not about greed or race, it's about finance. As long as they can exploit our black ass' at minimum cost.... they will. Look at the return they've gotten so far. No matter how much we want to display our "progress" in the last 30-40 years, the fact of the matter is that most of us are only a couple of steps up on the latter. And there are far too many of us still on the same step. Individual achievements are wonderful, they give us something to aspire to. But, it's past time for us to look at the models of Italian and Asian communities; after all hell we showed them. It's past time for us to unite. We have to realise that the civil rights movement has changed. We have to realise that this is a battle we have to be ready to fight on all fronts, not just in the courts. We have to be ready in the legislature and we have to be ready at the bank. We have to find a balance.